Life After Death

In 69 days the world, as I knew it, changed dramatically. My brother, Patrick died of AIDS.  I found out he was sick, spent precious time with him in the hospital, eulogized and buried him in what felt like the blink of an eye.

During those 69 days I learned so much about life, love, self esteem, strength, faith and family.  I loved our time together.  I loved our talks.  It was nice to laugh with him, pamper him...just BE together. I remember one day while watching TV he looked over at me and said,

Girl Power!

I love that their are programs out their that encourage & boost the self esteem of women & young girls through physical activity.  Here are two awesome examples:

GirlTrek

Spring Cleaning

This is the time of year that some folks clean house. This spring my partner & I are cleaning house too...OUR BODIES. We are starting a journey to alter what we eat and enjoy improved health.  Over the course of two months we will increase foods that make us feel alive and well while taking a hiatus from the foods that don't.  Success = any of the following:

Dentists We Love (USA)

I wanted to compile a list of AWESOME Dentists in the USA. Give a shout out if yours rocks! Here are some suggestions from friends.

Getting To The Root Of It All

Everyone who knows me well, knows I OFTEN follow my intuition...
I had a feeling that the word FOCUS stood out for me because: 1. I was trying to focus on letters, shapes, lights and so on during the various eye/ brain exams. 2. When my eye wanders off to the side it is difficult for me to focus on what's ahead. 3. (perhaps the most meaningful to me) When I focus on too many external things I miss what's right in front of me, and what's inside of me.

Everyone who knows me well, knows I USUALLY follow my passions...
I was CLEAR that I wanted

Falling in Self Love: Day 337 Happy Vegetarian Week!

It happens to be world vegetarian week.  So here are a few sites worth checking out for those of you who are feeling the call to give it a go. One week, one meal or a lifetime...it's all good whatever you choose.  Enjoy!

Raw Picnic

A few support links for the interested:
National Vegetarian Week
Ethnic Vegetarian Recipes
Epicurious' Veg Recipes
Recipes from The Institute for Integrative Nutrition

Falling in Self Love: Day 333 I Want Sex, Food & Money

This week I got willing to admit that in addition to wanting to give to the communities I love so dearly and be a good daughter, partner & person overall.....I really want a healthier-sexier body, lots more money doing what I love and more of the horizontal mambo....yup sex!  It's so easy sometimes for me (and maybe you?) to get caught in the coaching, prayers, support groups, meditations, affirmations for things that are altruistic, spiritual, unifying....  I think all of that is really important.  That's part of what INNER WORK is supposed to be about right?  But this month I found through my spiritual practice that my "inner" is PERFECT.  Haha! My ESSENCE is in fact in tact. Yes!  It (my inner) is arguably the most resilient part of me.  The SPIRIT of a person never really breaks.  I believe the body may get bumped, bruised or beat up but it is the springy, flowiness (our inner) that comes up standing time & time again.  So perhaps the industry should be called "outer work"?

Falling in Self Love: Day 317 Inner Work Outside

I have spent the last month following my heart and learning to really listen to my body.  What is clear to me now, is that LIVING WELL is the best way for me to feel consistently joyful.  I do what I love for work, I am basking in my hobbies, learning to receive & give gracefully.  I am re-falling in love with my family, my partner & mybody, money, rest, play, travel....  I feel beautiful, tender and powerful.  Oh what else can I say... but a huge soul reverberating THANK YOU!

Falling in Self Love: Day 269 What's Important

This week someone asked how I was handling the life-changing effect (of the accident) and what my process of self discovery is.  This was my reply:  Last month I was in a 3 car accident where a woman ran a red light, I swerved to avoid her then got rear-ended by a woman who didn't notice and accident was happening a few feet ahead of her.  I walked away feeling a little banged around but I walked away.  Since then I've realized that my energetic body is what really sustained the greatest impact.   I wondered a lot about why this happened.  Then I stopped.  I asked God to tell me what was important for me to know.  Here's what I got:

Falling in Self Love: Day 262 Every Song Needs a Rest

Imagine your favorite song without any musical rests...  What a mess of sound that would be right?  Well, today, the song in my soul had something to teach about that.  I am on spring break.  Yippeee for the time off, right? Haha, I've slowed down (slept in, chatted w/ friends & watched movies) but also I've been working on side projects.  After attending a networking meeting this morning my body shifted gears.  I was kaput.  I figured it was a sign that I needed even more rest.  So, I took a midday catnap (yep, cats & dog included). I am now up and feeling refreshed.  When I opened facebook there was a deliciously pertinent repost, from my friend Hakikah about taking care of self to care for clients. Everyone who cares for anyone could benefit by reading the story.

Falling in Self Love: Day 250 Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Yahooo...I am taking of for the weekend!!!  It's gonna be fan-dam-tastic to play, connect & relax with some gal pals. Adios internet...as of noon today I'll be off the grid!

Falling in Self Love: Day 244 Purposeful Accident

I recommitted to living well & love yesterday morning then almost died last night.  Funny that huh?  Maybe I was being asked if I was sure??  My answer, "YES, I am SURE!"

I started the day with a bowl of superfood enriched oatmeal, walked my puppy-like 15 year old golden retriever then went to the gym.  I swam farther than I ever had before.  I was scared and tired but I pushed myself to stay at it and  felt proud once I succeeded.  I had a great heart-to-heart with my partner.  She made me lunch while I went over my notes for my very first laughter class for GLBT Veterans (which I was über excited about, being one myself)! Then things changed...

On my way to class a woman ran a red light. I slammed on the breaks and maneuvered to avoid being hit full force on the driver side when all of a sudden I got rear ended by a Ford Expedition.  The car I was driving was totaled and I walked away without a scratch. No one else was hurt and the other 2 cars were free from damage.  Even though my body hurts today, I am thankful.  I am alive and in this morning's meditation, I found a renewed purpose for life. 

Falling in Self Love: Day 240 Blood, No Sweat (Maybe Tears)

For years I've donated blood faithfully.  A few months ago I gave my last drop.  I'd happily bulk up on iron, drink extra water and do push ups so my body would not fail me at the screening interview.  I'd hold my breath praying for the green light to go on to donate.  Then came the tapping of my hard-to-find veins. After years of asking my anemic body to GIVE, two months ago it finally replied, "No mas mamacita!" With that, I bid the world of blood donating adieu. I felt bad when the calls came in asking if I'd come back (and saying no thank you).  So you can imagine my glee when the blood van was on campus today and I had an opportunity to give extra credit to any student who was willing to donate blood.  FIVE signed up! Today I feel pleased that I created a voluntary win-win-win-win! 

Falling in Self Love: Day 234 Tears of a Clown

Yesterday started out as a difficult day.  There seemed to be a dark cloud looming over me that I just couldn't shake.  After trying a few things from my vibrant living bag-o-tricks, I reached out to loved ones for support.  Simply asking them to hold me in a positive and loving thought, prayer... As the day went on I was mesmerized by the magic of synchronicity!  The subject I was scheduled to teach in class inspired a question from a student which spoke directly to my present circumstance.  My partner surprised me after work with a healthy salad that nourished my body.  Later on I went to a memorial service for a fellow comic.  It was wonderful to hear about his life from his family and friends.  Each comedian at the open mic told and retired one of his jokes.  It really was beautiful.  We gathered at a restaurant afterward and talked about life...the subject of addiction came up (our friend had lost his battle with substance abuse).  As I fell asleep and woke this morning I found myself thinking of all that I'd learned about sadness and the ways we chose to deal with our fears.  I am thankful that I felt my feelings yesterday.  I am thankful for the loving support I received. I am thankful that I've chosen a career that allows me to laugh, cry, be triumphant, scared, inspiring and hopeful, publicly. That my truth (in any given moment) may be part of life's rainfall of lessons not only to myself but to any witness or participant.  In this moment, I am humble, filled with gratitude and joy...let it rain!

Yesterday this was my unstoppable song!

Falling in Self Love: Day 233 Mirror, Mirror

I recently found myself frustrated with a circumstance in my life.  After unsuccessfully being able to change it from the outside, I've decided to change my relationship to it.  This is no new concept.  Actually it is one I thought I new well....lol...apparently not. :)  Anyhoo, I started the day by eating well, I figure if my body is well fueled, I'm apt to make better decisions.  I had noodle salad w/ shrimp over a plate of organic veggies.  I feel comfortably full and clear! 

Falling in Self Love: Day 229 The Only Sugah Good For This Body

Generally I substitute sugar when I cook at home (as my way of minimizing my intake of the heavily promoted and very legal white addictive substance).  But today I CELEBRATE  sugar, I dance naked in it's extraordinariness!  (um...yes...anyway) I pampered myself with an at home spa treatment using LIME GIDDY's Sugar Scrub (mine is scented w/ coconut) and my body is singing it's praises (now there's a video you'll never see.  LOL!

Falling in Self Love: Day 225 Getting Set

My surroundings are so peaceful today yet I feel an uneasiness inside.  More of an anxious feeling...like the kind I used to get when I ran track.  On your mark, Get Set (OMG!) Go.  Funny, when they said "On your mark" I felt steady, getting in the block and breathing.  When they said "GO" I was happy to sprint off, putting everything I'd practiced and all of my passion into motion.  It was the "GET SET" that always had me choked up.  Here it is again today.  This feels like the calm before the storm.   I have an idea as to why these stirrings are here.  For the record, the storm to which I refer is a good one, like spring rain after an exceptionally dry year.  So...with the TAO of Pooh, my 14 year old golden and a dish of organic fruit, homeade yogurt (w. a splash of maple) in tow...I'm off to the park.  To walk, relax my spirit and let the winter winds wash over me.  Happy Monday ME day to all!

Falling in Self Love: Day 224 LOVEluck Dinner

Tonight there were 8 guests at my dinner table.  We ate well, laughed and had a great time together!!   I am now calling these gatherings LOVElucks b/c people don't usually bring already prepared foods. They are bringing an ingredient that I will use to cook something on the menu of another week.  One friend is bringing a culinary herb plant each week.  Once the weather warms and the garden is up, the herbs will be a wonderful perpetual gift!  Another friend brought a candle (I LOVE white unscented candles)!

This project began as my selection for the Aliveness Invitation that I posed to my laughter yoga students at SLCC.  If you want to read more about this 15 week project and/or join us... click here ...

Anyhoo, this new LOVEluck dinner tradition is warming souls as well as bellies. For that, I am thankful!

Tonight's Menu

Starters...
Fancy cheese assortment & flatbread
Chipotle squash & wild rice soup w/ homemade yogurt

Salad...
Green salad w/ brussel sprouts, avocado, marinated sunflower seeds, sprouted beans & homemade pumpernickle croutons

Main Course...
Creamy red potatoes
Chicken with warm olive & shallot vinaigrette
Apple cider & pomegranate limeade

Dessert...
Madeira cake w/ homemade blueberry sauce and fresh pineapples
Vanilla-almond earl grey tea
Port

Falling in Self Love: Day 220 Tea & Tao & Twos

Today bliss = sipping rose tea and reading the Tao of Pooh!  With much gratitude I am enjoying a spontaneous vacation at home.  Taking time out this morning to rest is definitely an act of self love.   I have been so busy over the past few weeks.  When I found myself getting upset yesterday over trivial things I realized it was time for a "time-out." With the loving support of my partner I began resting my circus clown mind. Today I was up early with that doo-doo-dootle-ootle-oot-doot-doo-doo music going again so after my morning meditation practice I went back to bed.  First, to catch a feww extra Zzz and then to enjoy a nice book & a cup of Tulsi rose tea (w/ a splash of rice milk & a drizzle of maple syrup in my favorite mug from IIN*).  Aaaahhh....the balance of life...is being restored 

On another note, there is something interesting going on in the way of TWOs.  Today...is... February (2) second (2) two thousand (hello) eleven (1+1=2)  There are a few other ways that the magic of 2 is showing up in my life....I am curious to see how things continue to unfold today.  :)


*IIN = Institute for Integrative Nutrition

Falling in Self Love: Day 202 Food Rx

This morning I woke up feeling sick.  I feel so passionately that food can heal the body that I gathered my weary bones and started cooking.  On the menu:
Eggplant Subji:  Dr. Vasant Lad's recipe (Ayurvedic Cooking for Self Healing by Usha & Dr. Vasant Lad)
Chicken Soup:  My mom's recipe
SPICY Green Chili:  a gift from my friend Dale

My goal here was to have medicinal foods, comfort food and spicy food to make way in my system for what's ill to pass through me, warm my heart (less worry = quicker healing) and clear my sinuses..it's working!  I am also drinking 6 ounces of water every 10-15 minutes. 

Eggplant Subji